I Don't Hook Up

Monday might have been the best day of my life. I got a card, c.d. and some sharpie minis from him for my birthday. I think my favorite was the card because he wrote something on it. I still don't know what I'm going to get him for his birthday.
I was listening to the c.d. he made me today while cleaning my room and for some reason the idea got into my head that he doesn't love me, that he's just using me. I don't know where in the devil I get that idea because he's never given me any reason to doubt. Something's just wrong with me, I wish I didn't think such things but they just force themselves into my head to prevent me from letting him love me. He thinks I get upset over some of the stupidest things. If he doesn't want me to be upset I won't be upset, I've told him over a million times that I don't care what he says as long as he means it, I won't be upset ..but he never listens.
I love him, I hope he knows that I do and nothing he nor anyone does will ever change that. Every time I even think of being with him I get an adrenaline rush like no other and my heart feels like it's about to burst it beats so fast. When he kisses me.... it's like it's only him and I and he always leaves me wanting more and when he pulls away I just don't want him to leave. I need to be touching him, always. I can't be complete without him near. I know I write a lot about him but it's because honestly he's the only thing that's on my mind, he's the only thing I want to be on my mind. I miss him so much when I'm not with him. I can't go without talking to him for more then a day because it tears me up inside.
You can never fully understand love unless you have love. Love isn't always a feeling but mostly more of an instinct. I don't choose to love him, the things he says and does make me love him.
Love is when you love someone for everything they are and everything they aren't.
I love him when he makes me cry, angry, hateful, laugh, annoyed, smile, horny, happy, complete, suicidal, HOMICIDAL and loved. I know he puts his heart and soul to make sure I know that I'm loved.
I'm selfish enough to ask for more, and all along I should know that I can't even come close to deserving him. With all of my imperfections and abnormality's I'm nowhere near half the person he is, and he loves me anyway and I honestly don't deserve that love.
If you ever are lucky enough to find a love like mine, never let it go. Hold on with everything you've got because the second that love walks out of your life it won't return and your life will NEVER be the same because you know everything is better with him by your side.