Please Don't Leave Me

I solved my problem. Kind of. Woo! anyway.
So I told someone about Sunday......I got lectured. It made me really angry, if I had wanted to be lectured I would have told my mother. It made me very angry. I told her I wouldn't do it again, but fuck her I'll do it again all I want. It's my body and my choice and she needs to shut the fuck up because I love Liam. I wish she would stop telling me I don't. She doesn't know what goes on inside my head or how I feel.
I don't know if I love him. I feel like I do. If love is still being attracted to him when he has snot running down his face and even if he threw up on me or something absolutely disgusting I'm still attracted to and just can't get enough of him. Maybe that's gross, but I need him no matter what he does. I know that there is almost no chance that we will get married and live happily ever after but I can't help but dream of it and want it. I know I shouldn't set myself up for disappointment but I already have and it's to late to turn around. I'm letting him love me and loving him more and more each day. I know that it's so cliche to say these things but I just don't have a very abstract imagination.
Life without Liam is like a metronome with no tick. It's pointless. I know I shouldn't revolve my life around him but I do. I can't help it. He makes me love him, I wish I didn't and at the same time I wish I could love him more. Every time I see him I just have the need to touch him. My life was nothing until I met him and I need him. I need him so unbelievably much. I've said things in the past about death but they're lies. I could never commit suicide because I can't imagine ever being without him. I would do anything to see him happy. I can't believe I've been so selfish to let myself get upset over something that makes him happy. I only hope and pray we'll last forever but all good things come to an end. It scares me, and maybe that's why I don't want to let him love me. Maybe that's why I'm afraid to let people know that I love him. I wish I could live in the moment but I can't.
Please God never let us separate. If he ever walked out of my life I couldn't live. I wouldn't want to. I love him but I want and need him too. If only all life stories had a happy ever after.


(this is the guy I'm supposed to be in love with)