Nothing more, nothing less.

This is the way I feel about my life. It's worthless. I recently read a book about a girl who committed suicide and the 13 reasons why. It really got me thinking of my life and what my life was worth in this world.
I know that if I did commit suicide it would be for totally different reasons than Hannah did. Ever since she had moved to her new town she had a reputation, a bad one, started by her very first kiss.
See, where they had their first kiss was a park, so after that night he went to all his friends and bragged, but he didn't tell them that they kissed, he told them much more interesting, much more sexual version which never happened. It started a reputation for her, guys thought she was easy, the snowball effect.
No, if I were to kill myself, it would be for much different reasons. I see my life as pointless. I want to do something great with my life but I never get the opportunities, or maybe I have and just missed them. All in all I suppose that's irrelevant. I have no friends, I face that fact because it's true. I know what you're all thinking. Everybody loves you Audra, you have so many people here for you, to talk to you that are just waiting for the chance to reach out and help you.
Wrong.
Everybody likes to be liked, it feels even better to be loved. I am no more than liked. Surprisingly, the only person I've felt loved by is my father, and that love was returned whole-heartedly. My dad hasn't made the best choices, but he knows that.
He admits his mistakes, he apologizes, and he tries. That is more love than I've ever gotten from anyone in my life. My mother tries, she tries hard, but she can't admit that she's wrong. Every time she chooses my step dad over me I just wish I could tell her....
tell her what happened, tell her how it's hurting me, it isn't fair to me, but being the nice person I am, my mouth stays shut, for her happiness, not for their happiness.
I don't mean enough to someone to mean enough to the world. There is no meaning to my life, then why do I keep living it? Because beneath all the nonexistent meaning, there's love. I may not be as loved as I would like to be, but I have a heart full of love, love for my fake friends, love for my family, love for my boy friend, love for even the people I hate.
There's some people in this world I couldn't live without. So maybe this means my life does have meaning and maybe it doesn't. I'll let you decide.
My life is nothing more and nothing less than just another life.