The quiet scares me because it screams the truth.

I suppose, in one sense, you could say my life is perfect. Some people would. I'm outgoing, pretty, I have a steady relationship, friends, and an upbeat personality. I'm sorry to be the one to burst their bubble, but everyone has their problems. Anyone who thinks my life is wonderful, is severely mistaken.
Now I'm not saying my life is the worst they come, but I'm not saying it's the best either. Yes, I am attractive, outgoing, I have a steady relationship, wonderful boyfriend, and friends, but I'm also conceded, selfish, mean, rude, bitchy, negative, and don't even think for a second that my relationship is effortless. Everybody has their problems, their downfalls.
I only see myself for my problems, I sometimes wish to be the complete opposite of myself because I only look at the negatives in me. I suppose, in a way that's the answer to how I learn to love myself, look at the positive instead of the negatives. It all seems so simple and yet I never realized it until now.
I try so hard to be different from everyone else, I go out of my way, in the end it's pointless because it's inevitable to be nothing like everyone else. The worse thing is, now I'm complaining because there isn't anyone like me. I would like someone to be like me so I can have someone to talk to who understands me, someone who's been where I've been and can tell me what I need to do to get over it. I get so tired of listening to myself cry sometimes. The closest person to me I know of is Brianne, but our world views are so different. I tried talking to her about Liam and she told me I needed to learn how to manipulate him to do what I wanted him to do. I went along but I just felt like saying, that's not me. I don't want to manipulate him, I don't own him, I don't want him to be a robot.
I always learn a little something about myself with each blog entry I post. I suppose today I've learned how to love myself, it will probably take me another month to put into process though. For example. I found out a while ago what I needed to change to fit Liam but, maybe it was him being away, I didn't put it into play until last week. I guess I just realized that I wasn't happy and I didn't want Liam to change that I was going to have to do something about my attitude. I'm trying it out.
I'm happy Liam and I are together, I'm pretty sure anyone who's ever read my blog understands the effort we both put into our relationship, we give 100%. I know Liam and I won't be together forever, I'd like to think we will, but we won't. The time I spend with him is....like no other. I love talking to Liam, I love doing...*ahem other stuff too, but sometimes I actually prefer just sitting and talking with him. Now, I know as horny as he is all the time he probably thinks as that last sentence as bull shit because I honestly doubt he'd rather sit and talk with me, not that that is a bad thing. Don't get me wrong I love both.
It's like yesterday, I felt so important. Liam doesn't talk I think everyone who's ever met him knows that, he generally keeps to himself, but yesterday he would not shut up! It makes me love him even more. Call me crazy, but sometimes when he's being annoying like that I find it..attractive in an odd way. I suppose it's like, sometimes guys think it's hot when a girl acts all cute, in the same way, when Liam is being annoying and joking around, it's cute, so it's hot. I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE, I just like my boys little ^.^ (why else would I be dating Liam).
Just kidding.
Liam, I love you, that's plain fact so anyone who ever thinks differently can suck my big fat nonexistent cock.
Sorry for such a long post, I talk so much sometimes. That's another thing I'm trying to handle. I've been saying a lot of people secrets lately, this was the reason for the title of my post. I'm a bad friend, because I tell about other peoples shit, to people it sometimes does and sometimes doesn't concern. It's a selfish thing. I do it because I'm scared that if I'm quiet for even a second people will figure me out. It scares me because I don't even know myself.

"I don't want to be the girl who has to fill the silence, the quiet scares me cause it screams the truth."