My Never

I love Liam, I love him a lot. Everyone knows that, and if they don't they should. I'm confused. With Liam I'm happy, I've never been happier in my life, and I mean that, but when I'm not with him it's like my heart has dropped to the floor and all I can do is drag it along with me, it's so heavy. I'm sad because I'm not with him, all I can do is think about him, all the things we have done together and such. :)
I wish I could be with him every second of every day. I never thought I would be here, like this. Him and me together, in love. Back then it was all just a fantasy, but my fantasy has become a reality. My life has never been right and I'm lost because I'm used to just accept that life sucked but now, suddenly, life is wonderful and I love it and it's confusing because I've never accepted that life could be as good as it is now, and now that it's like it is it's....mesmerizing.
I never want this time of my life to end because it feels so good I can't nor do I want to let this go. MY need for happiness is so overwhelming and now that I have happiness I need it more than ever. When I didn't have happiness it was not crucial to have happiness in bad times because it was how life was. Life sucked that was that but now that I know there's something better I want it non-stop, I need it, I need Liam.
I'm even more confused because I didn't want to be the one to fall in love like this. I wanted to be the headstrong person that could throw him away whenever I wanted to and he would come crawling back no matter what but it wouldn't matter because I never needed him like he needs me. It's so different from what I had expected. I'm not me when I'm without him, I've always wanted someone to say those words about me but instead I find myself saying things like that about him all the time. This isn't the way it was planned to be but it's the way it is and I love it. I would never do anything that would make him even consider breaking up with me because, God, just to think about life without Liam hurts like a bitch.
I must apologize because I push him away. I do it subconsciously, I trust people so much that I don't trust them. That is to say that I tell people things and would like them to not share it or would like to think I can trust them but I don't expect them to meet my expectations. I trust Liam with me heart, but I expect him to break it. I write about it all the time. I try to explain it but the best way to say it is I love Liam.